Happiness – A Critical Life Skill You Can’t Do Without
Wayne Dyer tells us, “Change your thoughts and you change your life.” Few people would argue with such ancient wisdom. However sometimes it is easier said than done.
I have spent the last few years actively learning strategies to develop an authentic positive mindset and eliminate negative thought patterns. It’s an ongoing process. Much like developing a physical muscle, you can’t coast on your progress. Muscles atrophy when they’re not used – both physical and mental muscles.
The good news is that there is a wealth of resources available to help. From uncovering limiting beliefs to dissolving fears, from choosing deliberate focus to envisioning a successful future, the tools are plentiful and accessible.
It’s helpful to remember that happiness isn’t an accident—it’s a skill that can be learned, one that can help you feel better, resist depression and greatly improve your relationships and your life. A great place to begin building your happiness skill is to build your optimism muscle.
Psychologist, clinical researcher and bestselling author Martin Seligman has spent 25 years studying optimism and pessimism. In his book, Learned Optimism, he states that pessimistic thinking can undermine not just your behaviour but your success in all areas of your life.
“Pessimism is escapable,” he writes. “Pessimists can learn to be optimists.”
By altering your view of your life, you can actually alter your life, he says. The first step is to recognize your “explanatory style.” What do you say to yourself when you experience a set back?
When you find yourself caught in pessimistic thinking, use the following strategies offered by Price Pritchett in his book, Hard Optimism: How to Succeed in a World Where Positive Wins, to build your optimism muscle.
Recognize and Dispute Pessimistic Thoughts. Don’t allow your mind to run on autopilot with negative thoughts getting free rein to spread unhappiness. When you notice the negative thoughts, refocus on past successes, emphasize your strengths, look for what is good about the situation, and identify solutions.
Don’t Accept Problems at Face Value. When trouble hits, give yourself a short period of time to let the initial shock wear off, then switch your attention from worst-case to best-case thinking. This reframing counters the tendency to overestimate problems and underestimate your ability to handle them successfully. Positive reframing creates space for optimism, nurtures hope, and adds to your resilience.
Make Hope a Habit. Hope helps move us in the direction of our goals and ambitions. Research proves that hope improves our chances for success, increases happiness, and is good for your health. Hope energizes and mobilizes us, serving as a catalyst for action. Because hope links directly to our confidence level, it inspires us to aim higher, put forth more effort, and have more staying power.
Practice “Spiritual Optimism.” Joan Borysenko, psychologist, speaker and author of several books, including Fire in the Soul, encourages people who experience feelings of despair and hopelessness in times of crises to remember it takes courage to live, and that we can find that courage by facing our fears, finding support and using prayer or meditation.
A critical belief that underlies all of these points is the existence of choice. You are free to choose the focus of your attention, your interpretation of a situation, and your actions. By choosing to focus, interpret, and act on situations in a positive and optimistic manner you create a joyful, successful life that continues to build a positive momentum. What more can you ask for!
I invite you to share your thoughts and perspective on this blog post. What strategies do you use to build your optimism muscle? What makes you happy? To join the discussion, simply leave a comment below.
Happiness Is As Happiness Does
Yesterday I went from turning off the air conditioning to seriously considering turning on the furnace. Those sudden starts to fall are always a little tough to take. Furthermore, this week it’s back-to-school for most kids (and teachers) in our province - a sure sign that summer is gones-ville. With autumn hanging in the air, I decided a good topic for today’s blog would be “happiness” - specifically how to get it and keep it.
I was enjoying one of the many ezines that make it to my inbox when I can across the URL for the Happiness Club. With a name like that I just had to check it out. Sure enough, it was exactly what it sounds like - a virtual club for happiness. Their mission is to promote the benefits of being happy through meetings, newsletters, and an informative website. In addition to a site full of resources related to being happy, they run a virtual happiness club for those folks who aren’t near one of the in-person Happiness Clubs they support. How fun! It’s like Weight Watchers with better food.
For those of you looking to stock up your arsenal against the upcoming season of SAD, here are some “happy” thoughts to ponder.
Lionel Kitchian, the founder of happinessclub.com, defines happiness “as an inner state of well-being that enables you to profit from your highest thoughts, intelligence, wisdom, awareness, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values.”
Wow, that’s a lot of benefit. So how does one achieve this? First it is important to realize that happiness is a skill that can be learned. It is a decision. Happiness is based on your thoughts and at any moment you are free to choose different thoughts. Granted it may take some practice, but it is very empowering to know it is as simple as choosing more positive thoughts.
In one of the free e-books on the site, Happy 4 Life: Here’s How To Do It, Dr. Bob Nozik suggests the following strategies to let your happiness flow:
Conscious Awareness - Most of us blaze through our days mindlessly following routines and focused on something in our future (how that meeting will go, what to make for dinner, how to remove that dog vomit stain from the dining room carpet, etc.) When we do that we keep ourselves in a state of perpetual “hurriedness” and we miss the beauty and wonder of the world around us. Before leaving the house tomorrow, take a few deep breaths and release your thoughts of the day to come. As you make your way to work, focus on things around you. Is the sun shining? Are there flowers on your route? What unexpected sights bring a smile to your face? When you focus on and appreciate the world right in front of you, you take in the endless miracles waiting for you each day.
Gratitude - This is my all-time favourite emotion. If I am feeling down and finding it hard to reach for other positive thoughts, I can always get to gratitude. In an instant, it changes my whole mood. Gratitude is so powerful because it comes from such a pure and genuine part of ourselves. Next time you are drenched in negative or unhappy thoughts and feelings, start thinking about the things in your life for which you are grateful. Start small and build up from there. You will be amazed at how quickly the dark clouds part and the sun shines through.
Acceptance - This can be a hard one for many people. Many of us rail against the way things are and fight to make them the way we want them to be. Several years ago my Nana made a beautiful cross-stitch picture for me with the Serenity Prayer on it. As a gentle person full of wisdom and love, I suspect she realized just how needed and meaningful a gift it would be. I often think of those words:
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity
To accept things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Rienhold Niebuhr
Perfection - In one way this strategy is full of irony, while in another way it is perfectly balanced. Part of this strategy is recognizing that perfection is an unattainable standard and that we should abandon the desire for it. Perfectionism leads to perpetual dissatisfaction and all the ills that go with it. However the balance to that is the belief that we are already perfect just as we are. In order to find true inner happiness, you must accept that you are perfect right now in this moment. Everything in your life has brought you to this place and it is right where you are supposed to be. Perfection is not something to strive to attain but a pre-existing condition within you to embrace.
My spirit is feeling lighter already. The sun just came out and is shining through the window here. I think I will walk around my yard and count my blessings. So long for now. Have a wonderful day.
For more inspiring information about happiness, check out HappinessClub.com. and maybe even start a happiness club in your community.
Optimism Made Easy
This is my third entry that reviews the 12 practices to build your optimism muscle from Price Pritchett’s book, Hard Optimism: How to Succeed in a World Where Positive Wins. Here are the last four tips.
Practice 9: Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is my all-time favourite practice. It is so simple yet so powerful in changing your life. It starts with truly acknowledging that life gives us a choice - a choice to focus on what is wrong or what is right. What we focus on grows while what we choose to ignore fades.To practice gratitude, merely look around you and notice people, events, and circumstances for which you are grateful. If this seems like a stretch, you can start small – being thankful for hot water in the shower; milk for your coffee; staples in your stapler. As you get good at gratitude, you will notice blessings everywhere.Pritchett assures us that, “Managing your outlook toward appreciation and thankfulness feeds the soul. It brings calm and contentment. It lifts your levels of happiness and hope… sets the stage for optimism about the future.”
Practice 10: Play to Your Signature Strengths
This practice reflects an interesting evolution in the personal development field over the last ten years or so. For the longest time, the emphasis was on developing your weaknesses. Now, the value of capitalizing on your strengths is recognized. The beauty of this approach is that it encourages you to know and honour yourself. The first step in playing to your strengths is to know what those strengths are. When you are using your signature strengths you feel in the flow, naturally strong and capable, and joyful.By focusing on using these strengths, you honour your innate talents and abilities. It is a celebration of your life’s purpose and the contributions you make. Optimism and positivity cannot help but flow from this place.
Practice 11: Go For Flow
When you are in the flow, you are completely engaged in the activity in front of you. The task feels challenging but doable, your full attention is consumed, and you feel vital and alive. You do not notice the passage of time and external pressures do not press in on you.Psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who coined the term “flow” and has probably researched it the most, explains what conditions lead to flow: “The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is the something that we make happen”.
Practice 12: Act the Way You Want to Feel
A common theme in Pritchett’s book, and a critical life lesson in my opinion, is the existence of choice. We are free to choose the focus of our attention, our interpretation of a situation, and our actions. By choosing to focus, interpret, and act on situations in a positive and optimistic manner we create a joyful life that continues to build a positive momentum. If life experience is not convincing enough for you, the latest brain research supports the profound power of optimism. Research with new brain-imaging technologies shows that, even as an adult, your thoughts and actions change the neural pathways in your brain. Choose positive thoughts and actions and you build the physiology to support them. With your newly re-wired brain, feeling optimistic becomes natural. Don’t you just love when things come together like this?
Leave a comment telling me how gratitude has changed your life.
Beyond Negativity
In his book, Hard Optimism
Here are the next four practices he recommends:
Practice 5: Recognize and Dispute Pessimistic Thoughts – When we allow our minds to run on autopilot negative thoughts get free rein to sully our subconscious. Take note of the messages playing in your head. By persistently expressing concern, complaining, commiserating, or criticizing, we are viewing our experiences through a negative filter and planting the seeds of pessimism.
At these times we can refocus on past successes, emphasize our strengths, look for what is good about the situation, and identify solutions. If we are still feeling feisty we can argue with our negative mindset and demand objective proof. If the negative thoughts still persist, shift attention to something else entirely. The sooner we identify and eliminate pessimistic thoughts, the easier it is to open space for optimism.
Practice 6: Don’t Accept Problems at Face Value - When trouble hits, it is natural to focus on the dangers, difficulties, and negatives. However, once the initial shock wears off, switch your attention from worst-case to best-case thinking. View the situation from a positive perspective. This reframing counters our tendency to overestimate problems and underestimate our ability to handle them successfully. Positive reframing creates space for optimism, nurtures hope, and adds to your resilience.
Practice 7: Make Hope a Habit - Hope helps move us in the direction of our goals and ambitions. Research proves that hope improves our chances for success, increases happiness, and is good for our health. Hope energizes and mobilizes us, serving as a catalyst for action. Because hope links directly to our confidence level, it inspires us to aim higher, put forth more effort, and have more staying power. Without hope, we are vulnerable to despair. As with optimism, hope is a mental discipline that can be practiced. To make hopefulness an active part of your everyday thinking process, consciously direct your attention toward:
- What you can rather than cannot do
- What you do control rather than what you don’t control
- How to best engage your strengths and resources
- What’s working well in your life
- Possibilities rather than limits
Practice 8: Know How and When to Use Negative Thinking - There is a time for every season – even negativity. In some situations, pessimism helps us see things more accurately by increasing our perception of danger, sensitizes us to potential problems, and causes us to weigh the downside more carefully.
Thanks for reading. Come back for Prickett’s final four strategies in my next blog. They are my favourite ones yet.
How Do The Optimists Do It?
Wayne Dyer tells us, “Change your thoughts and you change your life.” Few people would argue with such ancient wisdom. However sometimes it is easier said than done.
I have spent the last year learning strategies to develop an authentic positive mindset and eliminate negative thought patterns. It’s an ongoing process. Much like developing a physical muscle, you can’t coast on your progress. Muscles atrophy when they are not used – both physical and mental muscles.
The good news is that there is a wealth of resources available to help. From uncovering limiting beliefs to dissolving fears, from choosing deliberate focus to envisioning a successful future, the tools are plentiful and accessible.
I have experienced first hand the rewards of “changing my thoughts”. The peace and optimism that I experience these days are worlds apart from the misery and depression that hung over me previously. The real bonus is that a positive mindset leads to inspired action. I have accomplished a ton and pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone to incredible limits. Life has become an exciting adventure.
Recently I came across the book, Hard Optimism: How to Succeed in a World Where Positive Wins by Price Pritchett. It contains so much of what I have been practicing I wanted to share some of it with you. Pritchett offers 12 practices to build your optimism muscle. Here are the first four:
Practice 1: Control the life-shaping power of your thoughts and attitudes – Pritchett reminds us that we are the boss of our attitude. Whether we choose optimism or pessimism, it is a choice.
Practice 2: Assess Your Current Level of Optimism – studies have found that 75% of people consider themselves optimists. However when measured objectively, optimism and pessimism are evenly distributed in the population. Many of us are fooling ourselves. Check out practices three and four. Which one describes you best?
Practice 3: Develop the Explanatory Style of an Optimist – The little voice inside an optimist’s head affirms their ability and predicts good fortune. When optimists do encounter trouble, they tend to see the problem as transient (temporary), external (not a reflection of their capabilities), and specific to the situation.
Practice 4: Eliminate the Explanatory Style That Pessimists Use – Alternately, pessimists see trouble as permanent, personal (they blame themselves), and pervasive (they believe the trouble will invade all aspects of their life). Ironically, pessimists explain good fortune as external, temporary, and specific.
Ironically both groups are right. Our thoughts shape our experiences and literally create our current and future reality.
Read my next blog entry to learn Prickett’s four practices to negate negative thinking when it creeps in (as it does occasionally – even for the masters, I bet).
